


Falling Forever, I'm Gone.

by orphan_account



Series: Seth Projects tm [2]
Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club
Genre: I listened to gone by bbno$ on repeat while writing this, Ian is sad, and so im here, anyway it's depression time yeehaw, had a bit of a random ass crisis moment thing, i am sad, im just projecting again, ok listen, projection time, title also from that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21703363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: seth projects his depression onto ian again that's all this is.
Series: Seth Projects tm [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565236
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Falling Forever, I'm Gone.

Sometimes it would hurt for no reason. Sometimes Ian would find himself sitting under his covers, hiding from everything, everyone. A mess of tears and this gut pain that wouldn't go away, a feeling ingrained in him right down to his bones. It wasn't often that he felt that exact way, and he couldn't understand why.

And so he'd stay under there, trying to mask his pain, the most he'd let out was the occasional sniffle, as he'd breathe in. He feared Jeff coming back from whatever he was doing, only to find Ian in a state. He didn't know how to explain his feelings, he was never good at that.

Ian couldn't even begin to. He didn't know what triggered it this time. He was just in the middle of trying to get something off his desk when it hit, the storm in his head starting to cloud over, and from there it all just crashed.

In moments like these, all the crushing regrets would come down on him, his mind racing through every moment he felt like shit, that he remembered of. Ian was filled with many regrets, most of which he blamed himself. From stupid little mistakes which never should have mattered to the most life changing things. Every single regret had the same magnitude, the same feeling of disgust that lay within his heart.

It often manifested physically, choosing to feel like his gut was being stabbed over and over again. Not nearly as painful but, it would make him hunch over, holding his sides, his sobs only causing him more pain. 

He couldn't see through his tears, they burned his eyes and closing them tightly never brought more than a second of peace before more came to replace it. The tears stained everything they touched, a plague on his being, ever growing and something grown just to be resented. 

If he was honest, he'd say he didn't hate it much. Which he didn't, really. Ian had lost the mental capacity to be able to hate himself long ago. He'd moved past self hate and instead he'd fallen into the trap of desperation. The need for it to be something else, the dislike of everything he'd stood for and wanting it to be different. There were 99 problems he couldn't solve, and god forbid he got the 100th.

There was this constant fear of everyone finding his little… Ian didn't know what to call them. Whatever they were, he didn't need the problem of everyone knowing about them. His friends would worry, they'd treat him differently, and even if they didn't say it, they'd be constantly stressing over him and Ian wouldn't be able to deal with that. He hated the feeling of being pitied, he hated the feeling of people downright caring about him even on a superficial level. He hated the way that people caring about him felt, and Ian didn't hate things much anymore. 

He felt sick when people cared, it made his stomach twist and the feeling of butterflies was more akin to a thousand tiny cactuses, pricking at him, making him feel horrible inside to where he'd throw up and they'd be gone. He was doing alright making sure it didn't completely fuck him up.

As long as Ian could hide it, everything would be so much better.


End file.
